Have you ever disciplined a dog with a smack on the nose and a loud, stern voice? Their ears go back and down and their tail tucks under as they run to their kennel to be in solitary sadness. But within a few short minutes, that solitude is done and their tail wags again when you approach. They are so quick to forgive that you wonder if they even understood what happened. If you pull them back to the scene of the crime, you will realize by their reaction that it is perfectly clear what occurred. They didn’t forget but they forgave. No one likes talking about forgiveness, unless of course you are the one wanting to be forgiven. There actually seems to be a lot of misunderstanding around the topic. Forgiveness isn’t for the offender but the offended. Unforgiveness will cause us to sit in our anger until the long-term friend of bitterness comes to settle in. No one wants to be that bitter old woman. When we forgive someone it’s allowing yourself to release the anger. You are essentially saying, “I’m not going to let that person and their actions bother me anymore and I give them over to God.” If we are honest, God can deal with that person far better than you or I can. But let’s also be clear, just because you forgive someone does NOT mean that you knock all barriers down and trust them again. The relationship isn’t necessarily restored, that takes action on both sides. The offender has to repent, choose to change and show that change to earn the trust back. I have been told by people and even by some counselors to forgive and move on in the relationship. Forgive? Yes, of course. But move on and pretend like nothing ever happened? That is a resounding “NO.” Boundaries are absolutely important to protect yourself. Trust has to be earned back. I’m well aware of the verse in Matthew 18:21-22 where Jesus tells Peter to forgive 77 times. But lets not forget the countless verses in the bible where God tells us to repent and turn from our ways. And what about the verses in Ephesians that talk about the armor of God and in 1 Timothy where it says we do not have a spirit of fear but of power and strength. And the countless times He tells us that He cherishes and loves us. Look at God’s character and His instructions throughout the bible. He wants us to forgive and sometimes that means more than once but that doesn’t mean we are to lay down and succumb to being a doormat, what good would we be then? Forgiveness is for your own heart. Boundaries are good and important. Trust must be earned.
Now, back to my dog. Does he understand forgiveness and trust that I am only disciplining him out of love and for his own good? Definitely not….he is a golden doodle and while I love him, he is a big oaf and can be thrown into confusion easily with just a tiny rubber ball. However, I do admire how quick he is to forgive. I’m not saying we should always forgive within a few short minutes as he does but I could probably speed the process up a bit more at times. I often stew in my anger and quite honestly I just want to stay mad or I shamefully and passively, want to stick it to him/her. But does it really get me anywhere? No. There isn’t a magic number when it comes to how long we should wait to forgive. Every situation is different. Self reflect a little. Ask yourself why you are angry and unwilling to forgive. Don’t let the anger stay too long, bitterness does nothing to help those frown lines and who needs more wrinkles?!
